Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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