saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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