You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
