I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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