i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
