Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
