I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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