I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
