i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
