Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
