So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
