dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I want is dick and wine.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
