i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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