i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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