so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
