just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
