Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
