This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
