So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize