so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
