dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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