he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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