She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
