If that was your dad, he is hot
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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