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puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize