SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
