I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
