The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
