I think i peed on brittanys purse
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
