just tell him i said nine months
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
