as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
