it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I could fuck to npr.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
