tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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