she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
