When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
