I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
