It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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