I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
