dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize