well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
