forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
