I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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