Heybabeimwearingurpanties
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
