my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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