I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
