Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
