THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize