is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
