that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
