My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
