Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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