Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish you could order shots online.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize