remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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