I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
