I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
