I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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