One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
