We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
