Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
