I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
