I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
