I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
