we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
