I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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