you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
