How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Let's get the cat blown out
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize