I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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