he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
