I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
smell my finger.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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