I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
