Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
