I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
