I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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