I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
