On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
