is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
